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1998.06 "How Does This Grab You?", Select

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How Does This Grab You?
From Select, June 1996
Copyright © 1996 EMAP Metro

By Gina Morris

It's official: Shirley Manson is the planet's most shaggable babe - for boys and girls... It's 10.30pm at Leeds Polytechnic. Huddled by the backstage door, four burly security men are pawing over a signed band photograph. "Look at him," sneers one, almost enviously. "I bet he couldn't get his fucking hands in his pockets."

Across the room, four women in their mid-20s - some of them married. all of them heterosexual - are eagerly discussing the sex appeal of the lead singer. Specifically, what they'd like to do to her in bed. The band they've just seen is Garbage: the lead singer, Shirley Manson, queen vixen and the sexiest woman in rock 'n' roll today. "You won't think so after this interview," she giggles later, as she slumps onto the sofa in her hotel room, strewn with clothes, magazines and make-up. "Just you wait," she laughs. A filthy intoxicating laugh...

You're the cover star of this year's Select sex issue. How does it feel?

"I know. Isn't it bizarre? It's insane. It's like a joke. This whole band thing started out as a Jeremy Beadle and now it's a Jim'll Fix It. I keep thinking it's all gonna go horribly wrong. I'm just waiting for someone to jump out at me, laughing that they had me going."

Are you aware of your appeal to both sexes? A rare thing - how many girls agree that, say, Pamela Anderson is a goddess?

" I think Pamela Anderson is attractive, in a cartoon sense. She reminds me of my Sindy doll. I want to play with her (laughs). Honestly, she looks so harmless, just how I viewed my Sindy doll. I mean, I bet she's got no pubic hair.

"But I take what you say as a huge compliment. I'm not sure why I get that reaction - maybe it's because I'm very forthright, not very flirtatious. I'm not a boy toy, I don't look for approval in men and I think that's what women find attractive about me. And also because I embrace femininity, I'm not trying to be tough or trying to be this helpless little girl. I can just cope in this male-dominated world without beating my balls."

Do you have fond memories of your first time?

"Not really, but I remember it distinctly. I was 15 and it was with an older man I was absolutely besotted with, so I was very willing. Unfortunately, it was a nothing experience, in his friend's super low-fi bachelor pad with dirty pants and half-eaten bowls of cereal around the bed. It lasted 40 seconds. And I remember the words 'Is that it?' spinning around my head, cos, if that's what it's all about, someone has been telling me fibs."

"I am so delighted to have been a girl at those times. Losing your virginity is weird and traumatic and symbolic enough, but imagine if you had to perform as well under those conditions: 'Is she gonna bleed? Can I get it in? Will I last?' God it must be awful."

Do you have a best time?

"I dunno, I think I've had many wonderful moments, cos there are so many different types of shags beyond quick, erotic and loving... Sex is like music to me, it can be used in a multipurpose fashion. In my current relationship, the realisation that you can have sex and not feel in the least bit vulnerable was a glorious moment, because only then are you truly free of inhibitions."

Is that where the H?agen-Dazs comes in?

(Laughs) "Actually, I find all that stuff unbelievably unerotic. You end up trying all those things that are supposedly sexy: fishnets, stockings, suspenders, basques, whips, ties, ice-cream, chocolate and Vaseline and the best shags are usually when you get out of bed in the morning in your pyjamas looking a complete state.

"Me and my boyfriend always have a laugh about it, because we are probably the unsexiest couple. The things that are supposed to be sexy just make us laugh. I remember we felt really guilty this one time Eddie came over to see me in Madison. The boys had got us a weekend in this really amazing hotel with a sunken hot tub, stereo, huge four-poster bed. So, me and Eddie were sitting in this jacuzzi, sipping champagne, looking at each other and I said, 'I'm really sorry, but I don't feel sexy,' and he said 'No, me neither.' I felt like Joan Collins and he felt like Dex Dexter. It was hilarious."

What about your worst sexual experiences?

"I have had so many disgusting shags, but I would have to say the worst was with my current partner. We'd pussyfooted around each other for well over a year, so one day I decided we had to get it over with. I called him and invited him to come for dinner. My sister said it was like a military operation. I made really nice food, wore a really nice dress and made it brutally obvious I was going to let out that night. Of course, when he arrived and saw me he was absolutely petrified.

"He told me later that I had been sitting over him while he ate his food, with my arms crossed, waiting for him to finish. He was trying to elongate the evening for as long as he could. Eventually I just said 'Right, let's go upstairs now,' practically frog-marched him to my bedroom, took all my clothes off and demanded he do the same. It was vile, disgusting, repulsive and it didn't help that I could hear my two friends sniggering outside the door. Then, when it was all over I told him, 'You'd better leave now.'"

Do you remember the last time?

"Oh, it seems so long ago. No, of course I do. I think I was probably exhausted and about to leave for somewhere."

Other than when your boy (her term for him) visits, do you get many offers on the road?

"No, nobody comes near me - I haven't even had many weird guys. But I've never had a 'shag' on the road, but when you don't get any physical contact you start to feel ugly. It's not even that you want sex, just human contact. A simple hug usually works. Everyone still gets horny though, I've been on the bus and heard someone having a healthy session next to my bunk. It freaked me out, it's not something I welcome, but it didn't make me angry.'"

Do you bring sex toys with you?

"Oh no, of course not. For a start, if I did, everyone would know I was using it. So, I just use my hand. It's cheaper and you don't run out of batteries. But I don't ever feel in the least bit horny on the bus. It's the most disgusting atmosphere to be in. It's like being in the trenches."

Is being on stage a sexual experience?

"I don't know what you mean by sexual. All your senses are definitely stimulated, but I don't get up there and think. 'Christ I'm gonna have an orgasm.' Being on stage is fantasy, it's like being a child allowed to play. I feel like I did when I played doctors and nurses."

How do you feel about young boys wanking over you?

"See, I don't think that's true. I'm sure there's someone who has wanked over my photo, of course, but I don't feel anything about it. It's so harmless, so unimportant. I mean, the kids at the front of our gigs are full of lust for everything. If they want to jack off to one of my pictures then OK. My advice would be go find someone better."

So, you don't consider yourself a sex symbol?

"I've seen people become sexy in other people's eyes for a number of reasons. I think it's a suspension of reality - people project onto you what they want you to be. Of course, I can believe somebody finds me a sex symbol, but in the same way I can equally believe someone finds me repugnant. I find the oddest looking men the most compelling, so I can believe somebody out there thinks I am the sexiest thing ever. I don't think that makes me arrogant or big-headed, it's just realistic."

Not forgetting the lustful thoughts of girls?

"I like that. I think that's really cool."

Have you ever slept with a woman?

"Erm, no. Well, I've never entered a woman's body and a woman's never entered mine, but it seems so much easier for women to fool around. I've kissed girls, felt girls, we've cuddled, rubbed each other, but I haven't fully committed to sleeping or having a sexual liaison with a women no, never. It used to appeal to me when I was younger and then I had a rather unexpected experience and it failed to move me in any way. Basically, I woke up one day and was being... woman-handled and it ruined any fantasy I had about it. I was like 'Urgh, no, get off.'

"I think everyone has elements of bi-sexuality in them and, if my life had worked out in a different way, I would definitely have become involved with women at some point. But I've been lucky enough to find a really wonderful partner."

How long have you been together?

"I can't remember, six or seven years. My mother claims he was the person who saved me from a life of misery and sin! If I hadn't met him I would probably be doing the same things I was doing before, which was not the behaviour of a smart person. I did things that made me feel bad about myself, coupled with the wrong people - going out, getting drunk, taking drugs. If I was still like that in the position I'm in now I 'd be fucked. Totally fucked."

Are you a size queen?

"I said in a recent interview that I was, but I am a very contradictory person. I don't want a tiny penis, nor do I want a huge one - just one that will fit you nicely. Too big hurts and it takes forever to get it up and then sustain... there's a lot of work involved. You just want a nice pound of flesh."

You said in a interview you thought John Goodman was sexy. Do you like big men?

"I like men who are comfortable with themselves. I've had enough of washboards - my whole idea of sexuality has changed. When I was younger, I wanted the stereotypical gorgeous guy you could show off at parties. Now I like slothful men who don't give a fuck about how they look. I like people who are solid and know who they are. I don't want someone who's worried about how their hair looks when they're sliding over to my side of the bed. I've got enough problems myself without having to deal with somebody else's shit."

Are you dirty?

"Of course I am. I'm very dirty. I'm an earthy person. I'm a Scot, very earthy. I love to torture... wait, that's not the right word. I like to torment my partner. In a good, fun way. I call him The Slug, cos he looks like a wee slug, he's all warm and plump and slug-like (laughs). I torment him constantly. Mercilessly. The thing is we live next door to craft shop and it's the only protection he has against me. I'll chase him into the kitchen and I get really high, really maniacal and I end up screaming at him, so the only way he can stop me is to point at the wall because he knows the old ladies in the craft shop are listening. But I do like to poke him with forks. I have to confess. He defies me every time though, he won't submit to my desires on that score. I'll get him one day. I'll wear him down, just you wait. I will triumph: 'If you don't let me poke you with forks, this relationship is not going to work.'"

Do you torment the band?

"I torment all of them. They are my surrogate brothers and playmates. I torture them ceaselessly and mercilessly. There is torment in our camp with no mercy shown."

Were you a bad girl in the past?

"Yes, we've all been naughty in the past, no one is a saint in this band. But we're not stupid, we've all learned from our mistakes. I behaved badly, to my shame. I utilised boys, I went with people for the wrong reasons and I knew it at the time, but did nothing about it. I've definitely done things I'm embarrassed about, but I'm glad I made mistakes. I've come out on top at the end of the day."

So you have lots of regrets?

"No. I don't regret anything I've done. Except tell someone, ten years ago, that I poohed on my boyfriend's cornflakes and have it come up in an interview. At least it came from my own mouth. I would hate for someone to reveal something like that to my mother. The funny thing was that my dad actually laughed which really surprised me, but my mother was most offended by that. I forget I have a responsibility to my parents, who are having to defend my disgusting actions to their next-door neighbours."

You said in an interview that as a child, you used to hurt yourself, because you found yourself so repulsive. Is that true?

"Yes. I battle with self-loathing every single day of my life. Still? Oh God yes, not in such as destructive way as I did when I was younger - I thought I was this weird hideous little thing and I continue to struggle with that to this day. I feel vile, most of the time. Sometimes I look at photos and think wow, they've made me look really lovely but in real life I don't feel particularly gorgeous. I don't think I'm the ugliest creature in the world - except when I'm depressed, but I deal with it."

Apart from John Goodman, who else do you find sexy?

"Actually, I shouldn't say John Goodman, I should say Dan. Dan is super cool, I think he would be a wonderful lover. He's just the coolest, says all the right things, does all the right things, he's a bit naughty sometimes. He's a great husband, a great partner, a great playmate - you can't ask for anything more than that."

What about Brad Pitt?

"Of course I'm a Brad Pitt fan. Brad Pitt is divine. I don't want to like him, but I can't help myself. When I went to see him in Seven and there was this one scene where he was sat at the table wearing a long-sleeved white T-shirt. It almost hurt me to look at him, because he was perfection in my eyes, physically. I have felt a small pain of desire, but only to look at. He seems to have a delightful relationship with Gywneth Paltrow, so maybe he would break my heart. But I'm perfectly happy with the one I've got. He may be no Brad Pitt, but..."

What's a great record to shag to?

"Oh, for hard and horny, it would be 'Roadrunner' by Jonathan Richman. Actually, that's not hard and horny, that's hard and hysterical. I think I screw the most to Frank Sinatra. He's a total mood setter - you can use him for everything."

She laughs. The dirtiest laugh you've ever heard...

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Отредактировано Лерка (09.02.2009 17:58)

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Лерка
Ты меня опередила! Я столько времени потратил на перевод этого интервью и очень долго не мог по-просту его набрать...

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Фантом, прости меня. Я больше так не буду

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:) Не парься! Приятно, что еще кто-то кроме занялся переводами! Так держать!


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